Some thoughts of mine this Christmas season.
2016 is heading out to be another year in the rearview mirror as all the years do.
What are left are memories, changes, lessons and hopes. There are also pains, regrets, mistakes and failures.
This morning as I am looking out on a snow-filled yard looking at Gods beauty and listening to music I am so grateful for all of the above in 2016 as well as the years before.
Last night I was at church with three ladies I love very much and was reflecting on life and listening to Mark talk about forgiveness and it once again dawned on me how great the message is that Jesus brought to us. Christmas has always been a favorite time of year for me! And I really didn’t spent near enough time reflecting on why or what the message truly is about each year. That is true this year as well but that is ok because I am getting pieces and it is sinking in to this stubborn head.
I have known this lesson for years but it has only been recently that I have really began to really understand it. Listening to Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Mark Weight and reading different books it is really sinking in. Gratitude, acceptance, service and forgiveness are so key to happiness! This has not changed for over 2016 years.
Regardless of your belief or non-belief of what and who Jesus is I think the message of forgiveness is one that anyone can take advantage of. As far as I know I (and trust me I have a lot to learn) prior to Jesus coming there was minimal talk of forgiveness to others, in fact it was a retches way of living and you either followed the law given or you suffered massive consequences. Again this is just my knowledge of history, I am quite sure many of you could bring up tons of facts to dispute this but for me it makes sense to think of it this way.
I have done so many wrong things that if I had been on this earth over 2017 years ago I don’t know that I would have ever found any peace. Today I have just scratched the surface of this peace.
I am so grateful!
Listening to the message of how Jesus taught us and forgives us for all that we have done against others and that all he wants us to do is the same to others is so vital to true peace. I used to believe something to the fact of ok you hurt me, I will fix myself and survive and put up as large of a wall as needed to not allow you to hurt me again. I did this so well that completely lost myself and what was dear to me. And even though I was protecting myself I was actually hurting others and myself without realizing it at all.
Last night I heard a deeper message of how important it is for me to realize how HUGE it is that I am forgiven for all the lies, hurts, greed, anger, sadness, and pain that I have caused. And all I have to do to have peace is accept it and pass it on to others. WOW that sounds so damn simple but it is really a difficult concept for me. I have worked with numerous people who are skilled in conscious and unconscious mind work and it makes sense. It is almost like… Ok I hear ya but that shit is too scary to deal with so I will just listen and learn but I am not going to go any farther because I have two girls to raise, errands and jobs to do so I will get to it later etc. etc. etc.
The recovery program I belong to teaches all of this. For some reason I am only now truly starting to see where the lessons came from for this program and now learning it in a deeper way than I had previously. I heard this to the degree of being able to stop taking drugs and alcohol to numb my pain but wasn’t able to grasp it fully. It might be because I didn’t work the program hard enough? Might be that I wasn’t ready? There are many possibilities and I accept those. I am just grateful today that more is being revealed to me.
I had breakfast with my best friend yesterday and I always enjoy spending time with him and some of the discussion went towards politics and religion and I heard how many out there are not religious or believe at all in Jesus or other religions but do believe in God. I really felt for the first time that it is totally ok for me to allow people to believe however they want or need. I only need to focus on what works for me.I want to help others and to make a better world for our youth. Now for me it really doesn’t matter where it comes from, and I feel free-er to not have to spend energy on what others think of me in regards to my beliefs.
WHEW what a relief this is and how cool it has been to find this.
I think that the part that is missing most in all of the discussions today regarding politics and religion is “serving and helping others” We are a society (and trust me I am right there as well) of self serving. Self-serving does not bring long-term peace and really makes it difficult to feel peace when shit is hitting the fan.
On this Christmas Eve I am so so so grateful for my life today and am loving living in the now!
My girlfriend said to me that sometimes my profile seems that I am all over the place and I reflected on that and realized that she is absolutely right and I am ok with that today because I know at the age of 52 I am still and always will be a work in progress. As I take this journey to self-discovery and build myself into the man I always wanted to be I realize that it takes time and acceptance. I am grateful for the people in my life, the lessons I have learned and most of all the future. Today I really don’t have to listen or change others who do not follow these messages. As my friend talked about how he has recently left a place where he had to listen to much negativity and self serving talk of how screwed up this world is, and since he has left he has felt so much better. You cannot put a price tag on how important this concept is and I truly hope others can find this.
The difference today as opposed to the past is that I was all over the place as a ship lost at sea. Today I believe I have a better grip on the sail. I can reflect on how grateful that I can do the things and love the people that I do today. I am slowly living a truly honest life, working towards healing and forgiveness to myself so that I am able to do the same for others.
I write this today in hopes to help just one person find what I have found by taking a chance and trying something different and scary. I truly hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy New Year.
I am really looking forward to 2017!!!
Love you all!